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----------------------- H Y S T E R I C A L ----------------------- 



-The funny side of Def Leppard- (v4.0t) Latest update: February 20, 1996 



-------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is 'Hysterical', a list of quotes, articles, rumours, news, stories, and more for the newsgroup alt.music.def-leppard and the Def Leppard mailing list ('Lepnet'). The purpose of this list is to compile anything that's funny regarding Def Leppard. If there's something funny and it's about Def Leppard, it should be in this list. If it isn't, send it to me and I'll take care of it. 



The Def Leppard FAQ is maintained by Mark Senff for the Def Leppard CyberCentre and all comments, corrections, suggestions and ideas should be sent to: 



senff@accessnet.nl 



Please include 'Hysterical' in the subject line. 



Since v4.0, the credits-section is no longer in Hysterical, simply because the list of contributors was getting too big (you don't want the list bigger than the actual document itself, do you? <G>). You all know who you are -- thanks a lot for everything! 



Hysterical is both available as an ASCII-version and a hypertext version on The Def Leppard Web Site at: http://www.xs4all.nl/~eldritch/dlhyst.html. 



Enjoy! 



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TABLE OF CONTENTS ----------------- 



I. INSIDE INFORMATION......Quotes, text and things which can be found on record sleeves (any format). * II. QUOTES..................Things the Leps once said (in public). Sources are interviews, magazine articles and other articles. III. QUOTES BY OTHER PEOPLE..Things other people said about the band once (mostly other celebrities). IV. STUPID RUMOURS..........Rumours that appeared in magazines or on TV or radio, which turned out to be untrue. V. FUNNY STORIES...........Stories about or by the band. VI. ALBUM TITLES............New album titles by the fans VII. MISCELLANEOUS...........Other stupid, funny or strange things. * APPENDIX: THE DEF LEPPARD CYBERCENTRE 



(Section marked with an "*" are added or contains changes since last version.) 



(BTW, Rick Allen is known as RICK, Rick Savage is known as SAV.) (S.U. means "Source unknown") 



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I. INSIDE INFORMATION --------------------- 



The information in this section can be found on record sleeves. 



* The names of the people who seem to do the backing vocals are sometimes really weird. On Pyromania the backings are done by 'The Leppardettes', on Hysteria by 'The Bankrupt Brothers', and on Adrenalize by 'The Sideways Mob'. Of course, all these groups represent Def Leppard themselves. 



* Who did ever come up with the name of the keyboard-player on Pyromania??! Why is Thomas Dolby called 'Booker T. Boffin'??!?!!? 



* For funny (stupid?) nicknames for all kinds of people, see the inner sleeve of Hysteria. Unbelievable how many names the guys can give to one person. Nigel Green gets 153 nicks! (Sorry, to list 'em all here would take forever....) 



* Joe's golf career: on Hysteria Joe mentions the fact that he uses "Dunlop 65" Golf Balls (courtesy of Shell Garages, Ireland). with the Def Leppard recording session you can say 'I've definitly done this before!' ??" 



"I've never been anywhere, and now I'm somewhere, I'm still nowhere!!" 



"Joe Elliot's got a smelly bottom" 



"Bungle in the Jungle!!" 



"Pee-Wee rules!" 



Nothing better to do on the toilet, guys? Well anyway, printing a picture of a bathroom on an album sleeve is funny itself..... 



* Who the hell invented the name "Stumpus Maximus and the Good Ol' Boys" for Malvin Mortimer and Def Leppard? (Also check out the hilarious song 'Release Me' by those guys!) Another weird bandname: The Acoustic Hippies from Hell, a coverband which plays Def Leppard, Hendrix and The Stones. And what is meant by 'acoustic inspiration', Rick's contribution to this? 



You all know there's a small text on the inner sleeve of the Hysteria album, which is called 'Live at the Top'. The first line goes like this: "Originally this space was going to be a brief summary of what we have been doing for the last 4 years". And that line is followed by... a brief summary of what they have been doing for the last 4 years! 



Something strange on Pyromania... On some versions of the vinyl album, there is something scratched on the very inner rim, which says "If your'e gonna be a bear" (side A), "Be a grisly" (side B). 



"Speaking of Clark, you gotta love a guy who buys a house in London with a plaster cow's head on it and calls it 'Mookie Manor' (named after Mookie Wilson of the NY Mets and the cow, of course)." (Peter Mensch on the liner notes of Vault) 



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II. QUOTES ---------- 



This section tells some funny things the Leps said once. 



"If you're driving, don't forget your car." (Joe on Visualize-video) 



"Learn to play drums." (Steve's answer when a Japanese talkshow-host asked if he has some tips for beginning guitar players) (Visualize-video) 



Phil: "Hi, I'm Phil!" Rick: "And I'm not." (And then Joe just sits there with a stupid look cause he can't think of what to say!) (Visualize-video) 



"I love being in a rock band. You can be as childish as you like!" (Phil in Kerrang!-magazine, 1993) 



"I suppose a blow-job's out of the question?" (Joe during 'Let's get Rocked', gig in Mexico, 1993) 



"It'll go in at 34, up to 16 and out to 92!" (Joe's single chart's prospect, prediction of 'Tonight's positions) 



"I want my funeral to be a non-religious ceremony, with a fucking huge PA!" (Joe in Kerrang!-magazine, 1993) 



"Our new guitarist must have a British passport, must be aged around late twenties, must be a very nice guy, must have no ego, must have a sense of humour, must be a reasonable guitarist, must have a good voice, must look presentable, and (most important!!!), he must like curry and lager!!" (The band before Viv was chosen) 



"We took Peter Mensch, our manager, to a Gary Glitter-gig and he said, 'He's fat and he can't sing!' and we said 'But Peter, that's the point!'." (Joe about Gary Glitter, 1993) 



Wessel van Diepen (dutch DJ): "I live next to the hotel where you always stay during recording sessions. So we're neighbours!" Rick: "Oh yeah?" Wessel: "Yeah." Rick (to the other Leps): "Guys, next time another hotel!" (From Hitkrant-magazine,1994) 



"A good one was the album title. I wanted to call the album Dementia. I liked the idea of having a trilogy of albums ending with ia. Phil thought it was cool but wondered if it was a little contrived, like we were running out of good ia-sounding words. Joe hated it with a passion. After two and a half hours of discussion, he was so pissed off that we were still talking about this one word that he just 



-Funniest thing that happened last year: Half the audience at Red Rocks seeing me taking a piss Joe: -Nickname: Too many to mention and all rude! -Type of instrument used: (This is a joke, right?) -Funniest thing that happened last year: Selling more records than Michael Jackson Sav: -Funniest thing that happened last year: Rick Allen stopped drinking for 4 days 



An article that asks several stars whether or not they believe in love at first sight... Joe: "Yes, because I'm shallow." (Metal Edge-magazine) 



Question: "Why does it seem that all of the Def Leppard albums take four years to come out?" Joe: "I think we formed in a leap year!" (S.U.) 



Question: "Whatever happended to your Union Jack shorts?" Rick: "Well, I bent over one day and they got this huge hole...." (S.U.) 



Sav's quote regarding the release of the Hysteria-follow-up: "I can tell you it'll be a damn sight quicker than the last one!" (S.U.) 



"Some people come along in the most outrageous things, especially the girls... Just these skimpy little tops that don't really fit. It's like 10 pounds of potatoes in a five pound bag!" (Rick about fans clothing) (S.U.) 



"Over the past six months I've had between 10 and 20 people come up to me and ask "Are you Bon Jovi?", "Are you Joey Tempest from the band Europe?". Joey Compost is more like it!!" (Sav about his likeness to other stars during 80's) (S.U.) 



"At least my singing is improved....after all I've had four years to practice!" (Joe on discussing the time it takes for a DL-album to be released) (S.U.) 



Presenter: "Where does Joe get his trousers from?" Rick: "Rent A Tent!" (Said during an acoustic session on BBC Radio One) 



Presenter: "Rick's here on drums." Rick: "So that's what it is!" (Said during an acoustic session on BBC Radio One) 



"You know I was thinking of getting a prosthetic arm. So on the next tour I could really screw around with people when they come up to ask about the accident. I'll be standing there with gloves on with a cigarette in my left hand, and I'll say to them 'What accident?'" (Rick about the loss of his arm) (S.U.) 



"I'd just bought a guitar and I was really interested in trying to get a band together because I'd noticed all the punk bands were getting together and none of them could really play and neither could I. So I figured I was as qualified as they were!" (Joe about starting a band) (S.U.) 



Question: "What is your definition of 'cool'?" Joe: "Something from the fridge." (Metal Edge Magazine) 



Question: "What's the strangest thing you ever read about yourself?" Joe: "That I was dead! I died in a car crash... I woke up dead this morning and read about myself." (And then the announcer says "That sounds like a blues song!") (Visualize video) 



"I hate these stupid white people trying to sing the blues. They have no rhythm; I wouldn't be able to sing the blues if they hit me in the face." (Joe in Circus magazine) 



Interviewer: "...Rick, who lost his arm in an auto accident..." Rick: "It was actually a shaving accident." Sav: "You weren't old enough to shave!!" (Intimate & Interactive TV-show) 



* Interviewer: "Who came up with the idea for the 'three gigs in three continents in 24 hours'-tour?" Joe: "I don't know, but if we find him I'm gonna nail his head to a coffee table!" (Intimate & Interactive TV-show) 



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III. QUOTES BY OTHER PEOPLE THAN THE LEPS ----------------------------------------- 



"You went to so much Hysteria with Hysteria!" (Blast magazine's comment to the band) 



At one episode of Saturday Night Live, Adam Sandler sang a song for his mother. It went something like this: "I love my momma, heatre 3000 (called 'The Crawling Hand'), the story is about a severed hand. At one point, when the severed hand is crawling across the screen, one guy gives a comment: "Hey, didn't this guy used to be in Def Leppard?" 



Q: What did the suicidal diabetic say? A: Pour Some Sugar On Me! (Adam Curry) 



* Butt Head: "Spinal Tap really sucks lately." Beavis: "Yeah, they've got all new guys." (Beavis and Butt Head during the video for 'Animal') 



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IV. STUPID RUMOURS WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE FALSE ----------------------------------------------- 



* Well, of course there were a lot of (stupid) rumours about the date of album releases. We all know how that turned out! 



* Kerrang!-magazine wrote in 1992: "Of course, you all know what kind of mercenary Vivian Campbell is. Dio, Whitesnake, Riverdogs, Shadow King....all for fame and fortune. We predict the guy will be no longer a member in Leppard within one and a half year!" Wrong, guys! Big finger to you! 



* Metal Hammer-magazine wrote in 1992: "Def Leppard introduced the well-known Vivian Campbell as new guitarist. Campbell left Lou Gramm's Shadow King for what it is and will replace the late Steve Clark. As we know what kind of asshole he is, we all know of course this won't last longer than a year!" Same to you! 



* Hitkrant wrote in 1993: "Def Leppard will be performing on Freddy Mercury's Tribute concert with....Bono of U2 on vocals!" 



* In several mags there were messages about accidents with Leps as victims. I saw articles about the death of Joe, Sav and Phil. Dead men CAN play, so it seems! 



* You guys also read about Joe's marriage with T'Pau's singer Carol Decker? 



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V. FUNNY STORIES ---------------- 



* At one of the first gigs Leppard did, something pretty stupid happened to Steve. The band came on stage, everyone plugged in, and Steve wanted to hit the strings just like Pete Townsend (The Who) used to do: make a jump, and while in the air, swing his right arm to slam the strings with a heavy sound. You must admit, this would look very impressive. So Steve jumps, hits the strings and.....nothing happened. His amplifier didn't have any power. You can imagine how stupid it looked........ (Metal Hammer-magazine, 1990) 



* Rick used to wander out to the stage (In the Round) during the opening acts last song. He had this disguise of a cap and a false moustache. You couldn't tell it was him. One day, the other Leps stuck a sticker on his back that said "I AM RICK ALLEN". It stayed on him and he got mobbed walking to the stage. The other Leps: "We wouldn't do it all the time because we don't want to put him in danger, but it was pretty funny!" (S.U.) 



* Some interviewers can be funny when they show that they don't know English very good. During a TV-show in a Spaninsh-speaking country: Interviewer: "You are number 1 in the USA, and it took you three years to record, so now you're... easy?" Joe: "...." (looks stunned and unable to think of anything to say, he just nods his head...) Interviewer: "...Happy?" Joe: "Yes! Very happy!..." (Visualize video) 



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VI. FUNNY ALBUM TITLES (BY THE FANS) ------------------------------------ 



* Remember Us * Def WHO? * Recyclize (for the Greatest Hits-album) * It's Almost Here * Help Mutt...Help * When We Said We Were Going To Release The Next Album Soon, It Was Just A Bunch Of-lize. * Very Retro, Not Very Active * Prioritize (...NOT!) * Paralize (w/ reference to Sav) * Deoderize 



================================================self to death when I look at the way Steve slips and falls. I guess it was originally a blooper, but wasn't cut out because it fits in perfectly. 



When the Leps played in Belfast, Sav was wearing a T-shirt with the text Dead Flatbird! 



It seems Joe wants to have this inscription on his tombstone: "He came, He went, He sang a bit" 



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APPENDIX: THE DEF LEPPARD CYBERCENTRE ------------------------------------- 



What is the Def Leppard CyberCentre? Well, it's a couple of Def Leppard fans, offering a lot of Def Leppard information on the Internet. This information includes: 



i. The Def Leppard FAQ ii. Hysterical, the funny side of Def Leppard iii. Ages of Rock, the Def Leppard calendar iv. The Def Leppard CyberCentre v. Leppard Bytes vi. Leppard Bits 



i. The Def Leppard FAQ: The FAQ is full of the most commonly asked questions and their answers. When you're finished reading the FAQ, you should have fairly extensive knowledge about Def Leppard. The FAQ is occasionally posted on the alt.music.def-leppard news group, and is also available on the Def Leppard Web Site. 



ii. Hysterical, the funny side of Def Leppard: Hysterical (formerly known as Funny Gize) contains quotes, stories, anecdotes and other funny things about (or by) Def Leppard. Hysterical is occasionally posted on the alt.music.def-leppard news group, and is also available on the Def Leppard Web Site. 



iii. Ages of Rock, the Def Leppard calendar: Ages of Rock is a list of dates in the history of Def Leppard, ordered by month. See what happened exactly X years ago! Ages of Rock is occasionally posted on the alt.music.def-leppard news group, and is also available on the Def Leppard Web Site. 



iv. The Def Leppard Web Site: The Def Leppard Web Site is a World Wide Web homepage dedicated to Def Leppard. The Site includes (besides the FAQ, Hysterical and Ages of Rock) a brief history, personal profiles, pictures, sound samples, reviews, a fan club, and a lot of other Def Leppard information. The Site can be found at: http://www.xs4all.nl/~eldritch/leppard.html 



v. Leppard Bytes: Leppard Bytes is a monthly newsletter released by Def Leppard CyberCentre. Leppard Bytes will tell you news about the band itself, updates or changes to the Def Leppard Web Site, the Def Leppard FAQ, Hysterical and Ages of Rock, and special offers we might have in the future. To subscribe to Leppard Bytes: 



Send E-mail to senff@accessnet.nl with the following subject: Leppard bytes and the following message: subscribe leppard bytes <your E-mail address> 



You will receive Leppard Bytes once a month. These monthly releases will also contain all information which was published in the immediate update version (Leppard Bits) of last month. 



vi. Leppard Bits: Leppard Bits is an "as needed" newsletter released by the Def Leppard CyberCentre. Leppard Bits will tell you up-to-the-minute news about the band, updates or changes to the Def Leppard Web Site, the Def Leppard FAQ, Hysterical, and Ages of Rock, and new special offers. To subscribe to Leppard Bits: 



Send E-mail to aj@xmission.com, with the following subject: Leppard bits and the following message: subscribe leppard bits <your E-mail address> 



You will receive Leppard Bits whenever a new version is released, so you will always be up-to-date. 



The people behind The Def Leppard CyberCentre are: 



- Mark Senff (senff@accessnet.nl): Supervisor, maintainer of the Web Site, the FAQ and Hysterical. - A.J. Edwards (aj@xmission.com): Maintainer of Ages of Rock and administrator of Leppard Bits. 



(More to come...) 



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